NotC – 2005: Reviews by the Muir Academy
My first Night of the Cane
This was my first visit to NOTC and I had been told it would be a great party. Some party, loads and loads of teachers
and guardians all ready to pounce on innocent boys and girls just for trying to have a bit of fun!
And wiv all those free jelly babies (far too many for Ma'am to confiscate), I do believe the pupils had been set up so
that teachers had an excuse to whack them, not that they ever really need an excuse.
It was nice to meet some pupils from other schools and to find lots of familiar faces too.
That Edward Tranta was there along wiv his partner in crime (best mate) Steve Miller, Lisa Jade looked to be having a
nice time and it was good to see Jill Brown and Emily obviously enjoying themselves.
Maid Angela Brown was doing a wonderful job around the place too.
My Guardian had driven from Hereford to Homerton in The East End of London, where NOTC is held at Chats Palace, with
the precious cargo of Miss Prim and her whack-bag packed full of her demonstration canes wiv Andrew Robertson and me there
to guard them. (We both tried our best to slip them out of the car window but never really had a chance under the eagle
eyes of Old Primmy).
I avoided the classrooms and just went to play with some of the other kids for a while, but eventually Primmy caught
up wiv me and said I had to attend her lecture on "caning for teachers", now some people seemed to think it was
a good idea to teach, teachers how to cane each other, but the teachers didn't seem to think so as the only ones whacked
were in fact pupils.
I sat very quietly in the background and managed to avoid being the target of one of Primmy’s demonstrations and I
thought I was going to go the whole night without earning any punishment at all. Of course I should have known better.
After the caning competition, as most people were getting ready to go home Ma'am decided several of her pupils needed a
bit more correction, for no obvious reason, as has been said in other reports.
Tranta and Miller were among the "chosen" few and each received some gentle encouragement with the Singapore.
What that rat Edward Tranta didn't say in his report, was, when it came to poor innocent Belynda having to account for
some obviously imaginary crimes. HE was the one wot chose the implements for Ma'am, who kindly let me sample 12 strokes
each of Dragon 1, Dragon 2, Dragon 4 and finally a lucky 13 strokes from the Singapore. Nice choices Edward!!! Thank you.
It was quite a painful bumpy ride to where we were staying overnight, I can tell you. But it had been a good night.
Thanks to Mr Ishmael all his helpers and everyone there.
Night of the Cane - November 5th 2005
Things looked bad from the outset due to a misunderstanding over the ingredients for Miss Prim's pumpkin soup and
pumpkin seed bread, which did genuinely look like rubbish for the bin. She had informed me we'd be having a
"chat" about it at NOTC.
Undaunted, as Saturday came I put on my Muir 'grey' uniform, met up with friends Charlie, Sarah and Emily, stole
guardian's car key and credit card and hit the M4. We managed to get from Wales to inside the M25 in under two hours but
then hit bad traffic with apparently half of London driving to see firework displays.
The party was being run by Ishmael and "The Firm", some will know Ish from his part as Mr. McBlain
at Muir Academy, but tonight he was quite different – clean shaven and wearing a DJ. Many other familiar faces were there -
Mr. Jones, Mr.Tweedy. and Dr. Best from Muir College and Miss Prim arrived just after us.
"Mademoiselle" Zak was there too and Tranta, Belynda, Robertson, Miller and a few boys in Muir uniform who I
didn't recognise. There was a contingent from St. Virginia's too - Kaz, Simon, Roddy, Jonathan, Beth & Anita. There
were three or four pupils in St. Cath's uniform which made guardian happy, but I didn't see any groups identifiable from
the other schools that were going to be there. Angela Brown and Meena were both there too. Jose from Kane magazine was
there and a reporter from Forum, but cameras were strictly controlled so no worries about inadvertent publicity.
First we went to a talk by Ishmael. He explained that he organises a 60-strong civil war re-enactment for a week each
summer and wants to do something similar in school scene. He's looking for volunteers so get in touch with him if
something on that scale appeals to you - the scale he's talking about means 3 forms, school gangs, caretaker, cook,
Then we sneaked in to a demo Miss Prim was giving called "Corporal Punishment for Teachers". We thought that
sounded fun and looked forward to seeing some teachers getting whacked but it was just the pupils who got whacked.
Kaz experienced Miss Prim's "twilting" technique. Tranta had 12 of the Singapore, Miller had 12 of the #4
dragon for his mobile phone going off, Beth had a spanking and a new teacher got some expert tuition in how to cane his
girl. During Ma'am's demo Robertson slid a radio-controlled "fart machine" under my chair in an attempt to
embarrass me and get me into trouble. But it didn't go off! Ha!.
I didn't go to any of the classes as guardian had told me only to go to ones where I knew the teacher was OK. So
instead I hung around talking to friends from Muir. Mr. Tweed threatened me with a caning later for mentioning
"Chicken Run". Two people came up to me and said they recognised me from the front cover of St. Cath's 2 and
said how they enjoyed watching me get whacked. Which I suppose is a compliment, I think.
At 10.30 there was a caning contest in the main hall. Mr Jones, Matron Sarah and other familiar faces all lined up to
whack their unfortunates. Miss Prim has been banned from entering as she won too often, so she was one of the judges.
[Editor’s note: If Miss Prim ever was banned, she certainly was not banned by us, while
we have been running the competition she has never been a contestant! We have always
asked Miss Prim to be a judge, thus confirming her status as one of the three best caners in Britain. Her multiple
victories must have been between the Muir Academy’s founding in 1987 and the transfer of the Caning Competition to Club
Whiplash in 1992.]
Ishmael had laid on food - baked potatoes with chilli, and earlier in the night there had been pots of free jelly
babies circulating, but I think that was just a cynical ploy to get us all in trouble.
Before long it was 1am and we had to leave and start the journey back to Wales. Miss Prim said goodbye at the door and
lamented she hadn't caught up with me over the pumpkins. I cheekily asked whether this meant it was "forgiven and
forgotten" but she said she'd see me at the next day class. We had to stop for petrol somewhere in Islington and I
met some very nice men at the petrol station who complimented me on my outfit and smiled a lot at me and stuff.
We eventually got home around 3.30am having had a wonderful night, but I think some
aspects will be in a "guardian's letter" very soon.
"Look at the people we’ve got," he said. "Those guys over there in uniform – the School Scene; then we’ve got serious SMers
looking all black and shiny; and the CP club people in their evening dress. Even though they all might think that they’re different, they all
come here because their love of the cane unites them. That’s why it’s a success."
Had he plans for an even wider catchment area next year?
"Yeah", he replied, visibly relishing the idea (or was it just the prospect of the cane that Josie was carrying?) "We want to
appeal to as many areas as possible; Het, Gay, Dyke, Bi, Dom, Sub – anyone into it, in fact: As far as we’re concerned, the cane is for everyone,
that’s what Night of the Cane is all about."
(Reproduced by kind permission of Kane Magazine)
Look at the pictures from the night.